What’s the point in you wanting to better yourself? You never finish anything anyway.
You won’t get that promotion, so don’t bother going tor it, it’ll only waste everyone’s time.
You’re not going to be able to earn money doing that, do you seriously think people would pay you?
I can’t believe that you think you look good in that.
Would you really say those things to someone? I would certainly hope that you would not because that would make you a poisonous person that really had no regard for the feelings or well-being of other people, let alone your despicable self.
So why do you say it at all? How dare you say something like that to me, is what I say!
You know exactly who you say all these horrid things to. And it is the one person that doesn’t fight back. That takes your negative comments and assumptions and because you keep saying it to them over and over, they believe you. You beat them down, take their power and trample all over their dreams and confidence leaving them a crumpled mess of uncertainty and loss.
How DARE you say that to ME?
Yes, you’ve guessed it. The person that you hurt with your nasty vicious words is yourself. Sometimes you take the words of others and make them into your own verbal beating stick and sometimes you even construct your own from things that aren’t true but you shape into the greatest weapon against your self.
It is all about self talk.
Honestly, you would never dream of saying such terrible things to someone else, so why do you let yourself get off with doing it to you? Putting you down and taking away every ounce of drive and confidence that you had leaving you with just scraps of the person that you are?
It is because it has been happening for so long that it has just become a really bad habit that lurks in the background, that brings some sort of sick comfort to you as you can’t even imagine what it was like without it. A crutch, an addiction. Let’s face it, you love it when you talk nasty to yourself. It reiterates why you shouldn’t do something and justifies why you should stay in your comfort zone and not bother moving forwards.
What are you going to do about it? Are you happy to keep hitting yourself with the same stick and staying exactly where you are for the rest of your pathetic existence or are you going to kick it to the curb, throw out that negative voice and move a better tenant into your head? The choice is yours and if you want to stay where you are, leave this page now. Click out of the browser, close the tab and go back to your beating.
OK, now that we have those of you that want to get a better behaved internal voice and move towards a better you let’s get started!
As you read my statements at the beginning of this post, how did they make you feel? Did they make you feel angry that I would say such things? Did you recognise them from the things that you have said to yourself? or something else? Whatever it was, it will have evoked some kind of emotion.
Emotion is part of the problem as we can often devise negative self talk when we are feeling low or something bad has happened in our lives. It sets our mind looking at the bad things and focuses our attention on what will go wrong and how we can prevent ourselves from feeling that way again. Sound familiar? This is how we end up beating ourselves into the tightest space in our comfort zones and as a result take comfort in the negative self talk that keeps us there.
This is where you have to do some work. It is not going to be plain sailing, but I want to be up front with you from the outset. Depending on how long this negative voice has been with you, it might take a while to chuck them and their ties out of your mind. But be patient, all good things come in time.
Firstly I want you to get rid of the negative self talk that you hear this week. Every time you hear your internal voice telling you something bad, write it down on a piece of paper so you can see it in all it’s glory. Then repeat every time the same one or another one appears. Keep doing this every time you get a though.
I think you will find that once it is out of your head and written on a piece of paper that it starts to become silly, daft and totally irrational. More often than not, the negative self talk is just inflated things that we know will make us sit up and pay attention.
The next thing that I would like you to do is to think of what you would like to be saying to yourself instead. Something positive and motivating that will challenger your perceptions and nudge you out of your comfort zone. Something along the lines of ‘I know that I am intelligent and driven that I have a great chance at the promotion’ or ‘I know I look great in this dress’.
Make sure that whatever you choose really means something to you and is something that is real to you too. Don’t stat creating things like ‘I can speak fluent French’ if it is not true.
Write do the new self talk, take a photo and use it as your phone wallpaper or lock screen, slap it on post-its around your house and work space and keep them in your wallet or as bookmarks. Anywhere you will see them regularly.
Now I want you to become aware. Aware of the situations that create the self talk. It could be when everyone has left the house for the day to go to school or work and you suddenly have some time to yourself or perhaps in the few moments before you go to sleep at night – or even at daft o’ clock in the morning when you wake up and create something to worry about to justify being awake.
Note it down so that you are aware when it happens. This will help you to work out where to keep your new self talk reminders to help you in building a new habit.
When you know when you get the negative self talk, change the situations where it happens. For example, if it happens in the first few minutes that you have the house to yourself, then change the routine so that your mind doesn’t have the time to fill in the gaps by playing some great music and having a boogie in the kitchen or perhaps go for a walk before carrying out your daily routine. Be creative.
It will take some time to change the patterns that you have created, but I can assure you that it will come. Often by surprise too.
Be gentle with yourself and give yourself some praise! Unlike those that walked earlier in the blog, you are doing something to change your world and make it a better place. That is certainly cause for celebration in my book!
Let me know how you get on and share some of your new positive beliefs below!